Note: this post is actually about concert/symphonic band, not marching band! I have no aspiration to ever do marching band, but I love symphonic band and playing pretty or fast or angry music. *happy face* I’M A HUGE MUSIC GEEK OKAY. I guess some of this could apply to marching band, but not a lot? And probably some to orchestras as well. (I play the alto sax [best instrument over here *throws on sunglasses*] and we will never be in a symphony orchestra. *sighs*). ANYWAY! FORWARD MARCH. (wait did I just subconsciously make a pun? nevermind)
The different kinds of conductors. There’s:
- the one that has the weird, super flowy way of conducting that nobody can figure out what the temp actually is. (And then they yell at you for not keeping time.)
- the one that looks like a goshdarn robot, and their conducting style is so square like.
- the one that dances around on stage as they conduct.
- the one that conduct so tinily that no one actually knows the tempo. (They don’t seem to ever care, either.)
- the perfect ones. These, however, seem to have two kinds- the perfect conductor who is super grouchy and yells at you for everything or the one that’s legit perfect. (A rare species).
- the ones that never conduct except for at concerts, they just clap their hands or snap their fingers instead.
- Handwriting on wire stands is illegible when you’re trying to write and hold an instrument. Your normally perfect handwriting is not supposed to look like “hgakdlsidfdlf”.
- That one part in one of your songs that your section always messes up, but nobody notices.
And the director doesn’t either, so it never gets fixed.
- When you play oboe/bassoon and you’re sharp and your band director tells you to pull your reed out.
Does anybody know how to work these things?
(For those who are unaware with double reed instruments: you can’t “pull out” or “push in” the reed. It has to stay where it is, you tune entirely with your mouth.)
- When you play french horn and nobody ever notices you.
- Having a really long number of rests in a piece you’re sight reading and halfway through you realize that nobody is actually counting through.
So you just sit there for the rest of the song glancing at the rest of your section BECAUSE NOBODY KNOWS WHERE TO COME IN.
- When you’re playing a loud song and all you can hear is the trumpets.
- Seeing a bizarre number of a certain sparce instrument (like euphoniums!) at a band audition or festival.
It’s like, holy cheesecake I didn’t know that many of you existed.
- Trombones having to sit at least three feet behind everybody else.
You realllly don’t want to get hit by one of those. Ouch.
- That rare moment in which you see a male flautist.
(Yes, the word is “flautist”.) Why are there no dude flute players? FLUTE IS COOL. AND REALLY HARD TO PLAY.
- “The last chair has no real purpose.”
-a girl in my science class.
- To survive in band, you must know how to at least count to twenty.
“One two three four, two two three four, four two three four… Oh crap.”
- When someone’s stand is low, they’re using their phone.
TSSK TSSK CHILDREN.
- When we all joined band, we’re like, “oh learning how to finger and play this instrument is gonna be so hard”. HAHAHA. NO. THAT’S EASY. BREATHING IS THE HARD PART.
- Band kids are crazy.
CRAZY AND PROUD. WOOP WOOP!